


Storm vs. the Sharknado

by heyjupiter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sharknado (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Pop Culture, sharknadororo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 12:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2269983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark is pretty bummed when they're forced to postpone the Avengers vs. X-Men charity baseball game due to weather, but he's also pretty excited about getting the chance to help Storm fight a sharknado.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storm vs. the Sharknado

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amy/gifts).



> This escalated very quickly from "cracky tweet" to this. But it wouldn't have without Amy's encouragement, so thank you/I'm sorry.

"Looks like we'll have to call the game before it starts," Bruce said, looking out the window of Stark Tower's 90th floor living room and frankly not sounding all that upset about it.

"This storm came out of nowhere," Tony said, glaring at the dark sky and raging winds. "I checked the radar last night and it was clear." He slapped Bruce's back and added, "Don't worry, we'll reschedule. We had jerseys made. And hats!"

"Oh. Great."

Thor joined them and said, "Good morning, friends! Are you all prepared for today's athletic competition?"

"Game's off," Bruce said. 

"Hey! You're the god of thunder. Can't you, y'know, fix this?" Tony asked, waving vaguely at the storm.

"Nay," Thor said sadly. "I can wield the lightning but I cannot control a storm such as this. But why can we not play baseball in the rain? The ball is very durable."

"We weak Earthlings just don't do it," Tony said. "Except for vampires, of course."

Thor paused. "Vampires?"

"Uh, never mind," Tony said. "Twilight is pretty advanced earth culture stuff. Maybe we'll cover it in a few months." Tony had been slowly attempting to bring Thor, Steve, and Bruce up to speed on modern pop culture. (Bruce was ahead of the other two, of course, but he'd missed a lot during his time as a wandering hobo doctor. It was important to Tony that his teammates be able to understand his pop culture references.)

"I see. In Asgard our athletic competitions are held regardless of atmospheric conditions."

"Maybe we can play the X-Men in Trivial Pursuit instead," Bruce offered.

"It's for _charity_ ," Tony said. "Intra-superhero baseball raises money because people want to watch it. Intra-superhero Trivial Pursuit is just what we do on Thursdays. Or what we _should_ be doing on Thursdays, anyway."

Steve joined them, freshly showered after his morning workout. "Guess we'll have to reschedule, huh? I'll call Xavier and see what we can work out."

Clint, blearily sipping coffee, said, "Doesn't one of them control the weather? Can't she just fix it?"

"That's not a good idea," Bruce said. Simultaneously, Tony said, "That's a great idea!"

Bruce scowled. "Changing the weather could have unforeseen consequences. Climate change has already led to an alarming--"

"It's for _charity_ ," Tony said. "And I'm sure Ororo knows what she's doing. You just don't like baseball."

"You don't like baseball either!"

"No, but I love winning! And charity, of course."

"Of course," Bruce repeated, shaking his head and continuing to stare at the approaching storm.

***

A few hours later, the X-Men arrived at Stark Tower for their scheduled pre-game brunch. The weather had gotten worse but Steve had told them to come anyway, so they could talk about rescheduling and "just catch up." 

Since the public formation of both teams, the Avengers and X-Men had worked together on a few occasions and had had varying levels of personal contact with one another, but this was supposed to be their first joint public appearance that wasn't a battle against a supervillain. They all felt it was important for public relations that the two superhero teams were a united front. The charity baseball game had been Pepper's idea, and it had captured public imagination.

Tony, who had spent the morning obsessively tracking the storm on radar, sat next to Ororo and said, "So, hey, you control the weather, right? Can't you fix this?"

Ororo regarded him with a long, slow blink. "You're suggesting I use my mutant gift to dissolve this storm so that our baseball game can go on as scheduled?"

"Well, yeah. I asked Thor but he said he couldn't do it," Tony said.

"Mother Nature is not to be trifled with, Tony. If I move this storm it may have disastrous consequences further down the coastline. It's best to let it play out on its own. We can reschedule the game."

Across the table from them, Bruce, who had spent the morning reading Naomi Klein's book about climate change, smirked and silently radiated _I told you so_ -ness. Pepper nodded and said, "I've already been in contact with Citi Field. They'll be happy to reschedule."

"But you _could_ , though?" Tony asked. "If you wanted to?"

"In Kenya I was worshiped as a goddess for my gift."

"So that's a yes?"

Ororo sipped her tea. "Tony, I will not be goaded into changing the weather to suit your whims."

"Oh, I _like_ you," Pepper said.

Ororo smiled. "The feeling is mutual, Pepper."

"This seems dangerous," Tony muttered. 

"I'm sure it's no worse for you than Pepper and Natasha working together," Bruce said.

"What? No, not--I mean, that's true, but I'm just looking at the weather. The storm looks dangerous," Tony replied, gesturing with his StarkPhone.

"Tony, I told you, I will not interfere with the weather just for this game," Ororo said.

"No, it's not--here, look," Tony said, offering her the phone. "It's not just a normal storm like they thought. There's _sharks_ in the storm. It's a _sharknado_."

"That… has to be just a rumor," Bruce said. "Or a… Sci-Fi channel movie that's gone the way of War of the Worlds."

"You know, people didn't _actually_ panic about the War of the Worlds broadcast," Tony said.. "That was just media hype and now it's a popular urban legend. Anyway, look at those pictures that are coming in." Bruce pulled out his own phone and frowned at his feed.

"There's definitely sharks in the air," Logan said. "I can smell 'em."

The Avengers at the table all turned to stare at Logan, who shrugged and said, "Heightened senses."

"Why didn't you say anything before now, then?" Tony asked.

"Didn't seem relevant," Logan said, taking another bite of his sandwich.

Ororo scrolled through the reports on Tony's phone. "This is terrible. People are _dying_."

"Probably it's not great for the sharks, either," Bruce said. "I'm just saying, they're supposed to live in water."

Ororo sighed. "I could easily break up the storm, but then the sharks will be stranded. I need to redirect the tornado over the water, and then I can end the storm and release the sharks back to the sea. I'm still fearful of what repercussions it may have further down the coastline, but I cannot permit this… monstrosity to ravage Manhattan."

"Yesss," Tony whispered.

"I'll be right back," Ororo said, standing up from the table.

"Hold on, Storm, we're a team," Scott said.

"That's true, but I am the only one who can stop this. Why should I put others at risk?"

"I may be of some assistance," Thor said.

"And I don't think a shark could do much damage to me," Logan added.

"Or to Iron Man! I've got a search and rescue suit prototype."

"Jesus, Tony, could you try to sound a little less excited," Bruce mumbled. 

"Sorry, sorry, I know it's serious… but it's also kind of awesome, right?" Tony asked. "Like if this was a movie, I'd watch it."

"Okay," Steve said. "Storm, why don't you take the lead of a joint Avengers/X-Men team? You can control the, uh, sharknado, and those of us whose abilities might be of use for civilian rescue can follow your direction."

Ororo nodded. "That sounds wise. Let's suit up."

Storm, Thor, Captain America, Wolverine, Cyclops, Iron Man, and Jean Grey quickly changed into clothes appropriate for facing the sharknado. Charles Xavier, Natasha, Clint, Pepper, Bruce, Bobby, and Rogue remained. 

"We'll keep our comms on," Natasha said.

"And the Weather Channel," Pepper added.

"And Animal Planet," said Clint. 

"Shark Week is the Discovery Channel," Thor said. Tony smiled proudly, happy to see some of his pop culture lessons sticking.

"Shark Week is over," Clint said.

"Um, if you really need me, let me know," Bruce said. "But I think, uh, the Other Guy might do more damage than good. He doesn't really like storms."

"We'll be fine," Tony said. "We're superheroes. But you're not getting out of the baseball game this easily."

Outside, they quickly found that the streets were full of panicking tourists and pieces of flesh, both human and shark. They could see the sharknado looming, huge and ominous and packed with sharks. There were people out in the street armed with chainsaws and guns, which seemed impractical weapons against a weather system.

"We're not in Kansas anymore, huh?" Tony said.

"You talk too much, Tin Man," Wolverine said.

"Possibly true, but at least I have a heart," Tony replied, tapping his glowing chest plate. Wolverine rolled his eyes. More impressively, Storm's eyes went white and she rose into the sky. She began flying toward the coast, and Tony watched as the sharknado began to follow her.

"That is so cool," Tony whispered. "Okay, JARVIS, let's go save some people."

"Yes, sir," JARVIS replied, and Tony's display lit up with infrared of the surrounding area. "There appears to be a child trapped in an overturned car one block away. I suggest that as our primary objective."

"On it," Tony said. "What else?" As Tony flew toward the trapped child, JARVIS and the suit's sensors identified others in need of assistance. Tony shared the intel with the rest of the team and they spread out across the city. 

Tony, who avoided flyover country whenever possible, had never seen a tornado in real life before, let alone a sharknado. This one was huge and frankly terrifying, but it was nothing compared to the Chitauri attack on New York. And besides, they were now better equipped for the job. Tony's search and rescue suit was working just as well as he'd hoped, and he was extremely impressed with all the X-Men. Tony wished he'd been born with an awesome mutant power, although he supposed it would be unfair for him to be a genius _and_ able to control the weather.

Eventually, Tony worked his way out toward the coast, where Storm was directing the sharknado. She was moving slower now than when she'd first left Stark Tower. Tony assumed it took a huge amount of energy to move a tornado of that size, even without it being full of sharks.

He could tell Storm was directing it down major streets as best she could, so it would take out fewer buildings. They were in Manhattan and that was no small feat. It was also pretty hilarious to watch a tornado full of sharks float down the street. 

Meanwhile, Jean Grey was using her own impressive telekinetic ability to redirect larger pieces of debris, and Thor was just catching them. Cap and Cyclops were helping free people who were trapped, and Tony joined them, using the rescue suit's strong, extendable arms to help move things and people to safety. Then he watched as the sharknado finally touched down out in the bay and began to dissipate while the Statue of Liberty watched impassively. The sun came out and the water turned black with sharks. 

Storm touched down on the ground and took a deep breath. "I have done what I can," she said. "I fear that to change the tides--to push the sharks back out to the ocean would have ill effects. But they know they do not belong here, and I suspect they will not linger in the bay, now that they are free of the tornado's pull."

Tony said, "Maybe we can get some marine biologists out here, with some of those shark cages and stuff."

"Like from Shark Week!" Thor said brightly.

"... Let's get back to Stark Tower and regroup," Cyclops said. "The main threat has passed. Good work, Storm, everyone."

"I thought Storm was the leader of this team," Tony said. Behind him, Wolverine laughed.

Her tone amused, Storm said, "On this matter, I agree with Cyclops." 

"Just checking," Tony said.

They made their way back to Stark Tower, where Tony changed into street clothes and directed the cold, wet X-Men to the Avengers locker room.

He instructed JARVIS to notify the appropriate authorities about the sharks in the bay, and was informed that Pepper and Bruce had opened up one of the lower levels for displaced persons. Tony went down to visit and found Bruce giving medical attention in a conference room, and Pepper and Natasha were handing out blankets and bottled water in what was normally the waiting room for appointments with lower level Stark Industries executives.

"Where did you guys even get so many blankets?" Tony asked.

"I bought them in bulk after Hurricane Sandy," Pepper said. "They were in with emergency supplies. Welcome back, by the way."

"Emergency supplies. Right. We have those," Tony said, wondering on what floor they were normally kept.

"Oh my God, Tony Stark?" asked a teenage girl wrapped in a blanket. "Will you take a selfie with me?"

"Sure," Tony said. He leaned in and said, "Wait, is that an iPhone? Ugh. Before you leave let me give you a real phone."

"I like my iPhone," the girl protested. "But I love Stark's work with solar energy. How long do you think it will be before you have a solar powered smart phone available to the general consumer?"

"Not soon enough," Bruce said. He had apparently finished tending to all the sharknado victims who'd wandered in and was disinfecting the conference table he'd used as a makeshift operating table. Tony made a mental note to have that table replaced.

Tony scowled. "They should be available before Christmas next year! It's one of our top priorities."

"Cool," the girl said. "Thanks for the blanket."

"You're welcome. Also I helped save the city, again, for which you are also welcome."

"I think Storm did most of the work," Bruce said.

"Still! I helped! And she is welcome. You're all welcome."

The girl looked between them, amused. Tony said, "Also, the storm is over, so you can go outside now." He raised his voice. "The sharknado is over! You can all go home! But don't go in the water."

"Why would I get in the water? I'm not an idiot." the girl asked. "It's freezing outside anyway."

"It's from _Jaws_ , you philistine. Get out of my tower."

"Alright, jeeze," the girl muttered. She walked away with her head held high and a fleece blanket draped around her shoulders like a cape. Most of the other temporary refugees followed suit.

"Way to bully a traumatized teenager," Pepper said. "Great PR."

"Is it my fault if today's youth don't know fine art? And speaking of PR, did you reschedule our game yet?"

"Um, no, because we are going to need to rebuild the city first. Again."

"What better way to boost the morale of New Yorkers?"

"I think we should see if some of the proceeds can go to a climate change NGO," Bruce said. "Given the circumstances."

"That's a great idea!" Pepper said.

Tony shook his head. "I can't deal with you two right now. Too much do-gooding, not enough gloating."

"Well we are, ostensibly, superheroes," Bruce said.

"And I think we should get to gloat about that."

Pepper smiled widely and said, "Well, we were all going to eat dinner together before the X-Men went back to Westchester, but if you'd rather stay here and gloat, you're welcome to do that."

"Clint's making chili," Bruce said. 

"Not shark fin soup?" Tony asked.

"Gross," Pepper said.

"And inhumane," Bruce added.

"So… chili?" Tony sighed and said, "We're going to need a bigger tower."

Bruce and Pepper both laughed. "At least you guys have seen _Jaws_ ," Tony said, mollified.

"C'mon, Captain Quint, let's go eat," Pepper said.

Tony's face fell. "Brody, Pepper. Brody's the one who needs a bigger boat."

"Who cares? The real star of the movie is Jaws."

"Pep! The shark's name isn't _Jaws_. The shark's name is…" Tony trailed off and looked at Bruce expectantly.

Bruce crossed his arms and glared, but Tony just waited. "Bruce," Bruce said finally. "The shark's name is Bruce."

"Yes!" Tony said, throwing a friendly arm around Bruce. "Hey! We should start a subset of the Stark Foundation to help save sharks and marine life after disasters like this. We can call it the Bruce Foundation!"

Bruce sighed, and Tony added, "Get it, because of the shark?"

"I get it, Tony. That would be nice."

"We'll get on that first thing tomorrow. Now let's go eat dinner. I'm _starving_. You know, from fighting that sharknado and all."

"Mmhmm," Pepper said. "I can't wait to hear all about it. From Ororo."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, she's impressive. But did _she_ ever send a nuclear bomb through an alien portal?"

"Don't worry, Tony, you're still my favorite superhero," Pepper said.

"Good, because you're mine. I don't think I said it, but good work with, you know, all the blankets and stuff."

"Thank you. And don't worry, we still have plenty left in case of Sharknado 2:The Revenge."

And because Tony loved Pepper, and because he realized he was actually pretty hungry, he chose to follow her up to the dining room without mentioning that "The Revenge" was actually _Jaws 4_ , not _Jaws 2_.


End file.
